25 March 2009

I'm not greedy


I called into the boozer on the way home from work for a swifty, and that was absolutely fine.

But my downfall has come through the cockney gabble of Terry the Fossil.

Show off bastard had got some slowly roasted ribs in the oven, which he'd marinated and cooked using mine own special recipe.

I'd already received dinner instructions from mrsslippy, who had texted me to ask for some sausages, but due to some weird predictive text nonsense, she would like me to 'cool them'. They are mrsslippys 'special sausages', so I'd need to sort myself out anywho, and right now, I would kill my own mother (sorry Mum - the blood lust will pass!) for some Chinese Ribs.

Time check - 18:45. Mrsslippy E.T.A. - 20:30. Plenty of time to sup up, nip to Chinky, and be home with evidence disposed of, and sausages in the oven for her return home.


Only problem was, that I kind of go into autopilot mode when I get to the Chinese, so out came the usual spiel that will procure enough deep fried/stir fried/special fried goodness to feed us both, and the cats for supper, breakfast and dinner, and still have enough left over to feed the birds.

Ribs, sweet and sour chicken balls, sticky shredded chili beef, pork fried rice, chicken and cashews, crispy seaweed etc..... I may have over ordered.....

I think the first clue was the fact that she gave me two bags. One with my free bottle of coke and a bag of prawn crackers for spending shitloads, the other containing my food.

The bag with the food weighed considerably more than the 2 litre bottle of drink, which by my estimation means I've bought 2.5-3kg of the very best Chinese takeaway Chinton can offer.

Second clue was that there's not enough space on the kitchen worktop to open everything. I think I may struggle to consume this and hide the remains before mrsslippy gets home.

So I best crack on. First helping gone, it's back into the kitchen for seconds.

And pop mrsslippys sausages in the freezer. I'm sure that's what she meant.


  1. You're stark raving bonkers!!!

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