07 March 2009

Crisp Wars Part II

Following my crisp extravaganza on Thursday night, my challenge for today has been to procure the missing three flavours from the Walkers 'Do us a Flavour' challenge.

I've already done Builders Breakfast (eggy), Chili & Chocolate (wrong), and Onion Bhaji (rather good). As they were the only three bags in the pub, I stopped there. A trip to Tesco has relieved that they come in multi packs, so I could get the other three in one fell swoop, so sweep and swoop I did.

As mrsslippy hadn't tried the first three flavours, it seemed only right and scientific to buy a multi-bag of them too, so we now have twelve bags of six different flavours, three of which I've tried already, but all new to mrsslippy, so I suspect they're all gonna get opened.

New ones first....

Fish & Chips

I think they do smell distinctly fishy. The bag smells of a chip shop, but to me they taste too damned fishy. It hits you at the back of the throat -if anything it's more like crab meat - but not fresh white meat, the mucky brown stuff that's been sat too long on a ready made sandwich selection in a seedy Cromer pub. Mrsslippy likes them - she used to like the 'Fish & Chip' snacks you could get in the tuck shop 'back in the day' (now they were good). But not for me - the rest of the bag, and the other full one are hers - to the victor the spoils, and spoilt they are.

Crispy Duck & Hoisin
The bag smell like when they bring out the crispy duck course at a Chinese restaurant, so that's a good start. And they're crispy - funny that, being crisps. The taste is definitely more hoisin than duck, but it's still a very pleasant taste. I think I'd prefer them if they were more ducky, and came with a sachet of hoisin sauce to dunk them in.
Like Salt 'n' Shake, only Duck 'n' Dunk. How many other crisps would benefit a little sachet of flavoury goodness in them. Those awful Fish & Chip would have been better with a sachet of Tommy Sauce, as would the Builders Breakfast. I'd buy them, maybe I should get on the blower to Walkers, they're missing a trick here..
Anywho, I like them, as does mrsslippy, but she prefers the Fish & Chips. I feel a stewards enquiry coming on.

Finally, Cajun Squirrel
I've never eaten squirrel, Cajun or otherwise, so I don't really know what to expect here. The bag smells like Walkers Roast Chicken, which as by the general rule of meat flavour potato products, taste fuck all like chicken.
So what do they taste like? Well, certainly not chicken...Probably the closest thing that I would imagine comparing them too, and something that I know may taste of squirrel, as it has been known to eat them.

Cajun Squirrel crisps probably taste like the gusset of one of Beth Ditto's spandex leotards, and give the option, I think I know which I would rather consume. They're fucking rank. If these things win and go into mass production I'm giving up crisps for ever. Mrsslippy can't stand them either - they are eliminated! Even Busta won't try one, and he'll nick the beans from a Chili con Carne, and the jalapenos from a Hot 'n' Spicy pizza.

So one definitely out, but a split decision over the qualifier for the final.

However, I've just asked mrsslippy if she doesn't find the Fish & Chip ones a bit 'crabby'. The face has curled up, she's had another to confirm my suggestion AND THEY'RE OUT! FISH AND CHIPS HAVE THROWN IN THE TOWEL!!

So it looks like we're all set for an Onion Bhaji vs Crispy Duck & Hoisin final, but not tonight - we're crisped out, and I can't face the Builders Breakfast again today - I was belching egg and smokey baken all evening on Thursday, and I'm not ready for that again yet.

So the final comes another day.

But will it be a final of Kings, or is this just the F.A Trophy of the crisp world? Certainly, the official winners will join the echelons of Walkers flavours, who were once the top dogs in the crisp world, but can they say they still are? They even have their own breakaway Premiership for their Sensations range, so can new flavours ever be Champions League quality?

How would they fare against the rest of the crisp world.

We have Pringles. Strictly Bundesleague. Uniform, predictable, dependable, but ultimately synthetic and unsatisfying.
Kettle Chips. Serie A. Exotic, overpriced, suspicions of style over substance, and once opened, you don't actually get that much for your money.
Mccoys. Scottish Premier. Stodgy, reckon they're really good, but only have 2 decent teams.
Seabrookes. La Liga. Always a pleasure, but ignored as not a threat. If left unchecked have notions of world domination.

They're going to be a very little fish in a big pond full of potatoes

Whoever wins this (clever) bit of marketing will have their 15 minutes of fame,but they'll never be a Champion, let alone a World beater. I suspect that along with all novelty gimmicks brewed up in a test tube, the world will recognise it for the abomination on nature that it is, and they will disappear back into obscurity.

Anyone remember Hedgehog flavour crisps?

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