As you can probably tell from the column at the side of my blog, I am part of the joyous community of Twitterers, Tweeters, or Twats, whatever you prefer to go by.
I've always been sad enough to join whatever the latest fad is, so it should come as no surprise that I enjoy reading the minutiae of minor celebrities day to day business.
For those that don't know, and fuck knows how not, it's been all over the media since the New Year, Twitter is very akin to a Facebook profile update, in 140 characters or less.
Whereas with Facebook you have to be friends with someone to see what they're up to, the default setting on Twitter is that anyone can read your updates - they just find your profile, then click on 'Follow'. Then whenever they have a poo, or put the kettle on, they'll let you know.
Or they'll post links to photo's of what they've just eaten, or other minor celebrities they've just seen in the pub.
So how do you know who to follow? Start with the Kings of Twitter - Jonathon Ross, Stephen Fry, and Philip Schofield. You'll start to see who they follow, and if they are a minor celebrity who interests you, click 'Follow' on them. Or see who I stalk, and see if any of them take your fancy.
Some are witty and insightful, some surprisingly normal (who would have guessed that Mike Skinner of The Streets spends his Saturday evenings sat in watching reruns of Jonathon Creek while eating Haribo Tangfastics - which he keeps in the fridge as they improve the flavour).
Some use it as a forum for raising awareness of social injustice, others to shamelessly whore out their latest tv show/book.
And some just talk bollocks.
If you're not on it yet, here's a selection of top Twitterers, and the sort of stuff you're missing!
King of Twitter. Tweets several times a day, often with a picture attachment. He's just been whale watching in America. Often replies to his followers, but with around 300,000 of us, don't expect to be chatting to him any time soon.
Ian Beale like's Liverpool F.C., cinnamon lattes and Amir Khan. Failed to assemble a twin heater for his greenhouse last week because all the holes were drilled wrong.
The man behind Father Ted and The IT Crowd got quite rightly right pissed off with the Sunday Express for their shameful story on the Dunblane survivors. Usually pretty cheery, and likes a game of cards.
Appears to have no thoughts or opinions of his own, instead just posting links to his own website, or asking what 'other celebrities' are having for lunch.
Never eats at home, but will always post a photo of what he is eating at whatever restaurant he is at. Quite like to get pissed on a Friday night with...
Mr Yes Man is funny and charming. Funny links and wry observations abound.
Crown Prince of Twitter. Too many updates on the Ice Dancing for me, but a funny man, and very fond of the wine. Drinks like a fucking fish by the look of it.
TV's Mr Nice doesn't post very often - probably because he couldn't contain his vitriol within 140 characters, but will send links to the columns he writes for the papers, which are always hilarious, as are the blogs of...
Of Fist of Fun fame. Has been blogging every day for 5 years. Some are just diaries, some are wildly offensive (ie fucking hilarious), but if you want the really mucky/offensive stuff, download his podcasts with Andrew Collins.
Jonathon Ross and Jane Goldman
Wossy and ferretprincess (their twitter names) will even Twitter to each other when they're in the same house. Feels like listening in on a private conversation, but as you know, with JR nothing is private.
OK, so it's a bit sad to do it in the same house. Mrsslippy and I would never do that, and the only reason we were Skyping each other in the same room earlier was to check if we could, not just because it was silly fun.
So get Tweeting, you never know what you're missing - this just in! Chris Moyles is off to eat apple pie and ice cream